


The Thaw

by Aoru



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-22 06:56:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13758702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aoru/pseuds/Aoru
Summary: The pain when you love someone and when you are not loved back. Unrequited love. Especially when it's come from your bestfriend. Be ignored daily, and seeing him close with someone else  break your heart.That not always been like that, but people grow up, and the way of each other are seperated.« Because we are too different Jihoon now, aren't we ? »





	1. Not an actual mistake

**Author's Note:**

> A Winkniel that I made. It's my first. Sorry for the mistake ><

  


Kang Daniel, out of breath, attempting to catch the ball dragging on the dusty floor, among his teamates. There are one who trying to defend him from the back, and one who just look.

Well surronded. He sudendly attract attention of an adversary and then dodge him to reach goal.

  


« Goal ! » yell the arbitrator while raise his hand which mean the match ended.

  
With that action, the plenty of girls began to clap their hands and scream his name. He pass his hand in his messed hair. He have sweat ulling down of his forehead and all his body. His white shirt give possibility to see his muscular body.

Teamates run to hug him, he friendly respond and one of them give him tissu to remove his sweat.

He is smilling to the audience.

  


I'm here, watching him, like an idiot. I don't even know why I'm here. It's like I don't have self respect. I know, plenty of people judge me.

They look and whisper saying I stuck at him like a puppy and don't even understand why such guy have friendship with someone like me.

Im too dumb. I don't really care about what they are saying because I will be with Daniel exept if he say that I'm useless for him.

Now :

I felt the elbow of two girls sitting beside me and hitting me while chearing.  
  


« Aw ! I whisper « can you do more attention »

They ignore me and I breath with annoyment.

I see Daniel ascending while people great him. I takes my basket filled with collation brought for him and while pushing the lady around me , I went to see him.

  


He was about to go, surronded by a lot of people. Happily talking, I interrupted him.

  


« Daniel ! »

  


He turned to see me, and stopped talking. He frown his eyes brown which make me surprise.

  


« Congrats ! I'm so happy for you »

  


« Jihoon... » he whispered.

  


« Ye..yea...h ? » I hesitantly say.

  


« What are you doing here ? » He asked me. People around him stopped talking and looked at me. I didn't knew what respond. What I was doing here ? I came too see my best friend. To congrat him, to bring him some food. That didn't even was a question.

  


« I brought you some food, you are hungry, aren't you ? »

  


I showed him my basket, his eyes lowered to it for a second. I was hoping he would take it but he actually took my arm instead and drive me a little away from the other.

  


« Jihoon, I already told to not come here, you rot my reputation. I don't want to be unkind but people can't see us together »

  


I froze for a second. Did he really mean it ?

  


« H..uh ? »

  


« Can you go back at the campus please ? »

  


His voice was cold as his face. I can't believe it. He rejected me like that, after all the things that we live together. He want me out of his life because of a fuckin reputation ?

  


« What ? Are you serious ? »

My eyes became red, and I could feel my heart broke. He breathed.

  


« You really want me to leave ? »

  


He was obviousely annoyed, he tried to shut me, while I began to cry. My tears poured down,

  


« Why ? Why are you saying that ? You can't say that just because I'm different ? »

  


« Jihoon, I never said that... »

  


« You said, Is it bad to be different ? »

  


« Stop people will hear us... »

  


« I know, you always thought I was strange. But you can't say me those things because of that »

  


I began to cry more roughly and then people turn their head to us, it's was a shame on me. And they would probably talk worst about me after that but right now I just wanted his respond.

I prefered, him saying to me that honestly why he behave like this with me. What did I do ?

  


« You are a really a shame for me, stop crying »

  


« So our friendship mean nothing for you anymore ? »

I asked him while walking closer to him and I put an hand on his shoulder.

He hesitated, and didn't reply.

  


« Answer Daniel, did our friendship really put an end ? »

  


« Get off »

  


My eyes widened, and I slapped him in front of everyone. Everyone let out a shoked sound.

Daniel, stopped for a second, didn't make any move and stayed on the same place. The red check.

  


« I hate you, I hate you so much, I didn't want to talk you anymore. Never ! »

  


And I runned away, while crying. Nobody stopped me.

It's one of time when I really understand that I meant nothing for him. And was one time when I really get angry to him.

I know he will maybe probably again come to see me and say he didn't really meant that but I don't want to hear his apologizes.

But did he thought about humiliating me publicaly ?

  


_Kang Daniel, I never want to see you again_

  


***  


  


I'm lying on my bed, trying to learn the barbarous world in my latin lesson for my exams tomorow but I can't concentrate.

I keep thinking about Daniel.

Every time I remember how he took Sooyoung of her girl dormitory and they left together. He looked so happy and was smilling brightly. And he put his arm around her waist. And then the closed door. Nothing.

She is his girlfriend, but everytime I see them my heart is tighten up. Look how he touch her and smile and then kiss her.

I should feel happy for him but my ugly possessive heart don't want it. I tried to stop it,got mad at myself numerous time, but nothing change.

  


« why you are with her ? What are you doing now ? Is he...perhaps. »

I bitten my lips with that though who made my heart broke.

« Have sex ? »

I can't Im so jealous. Why ? She would be allowed of put her hands and his chest. And feel his skin under hair, smell his scent. Everything I was dreaming of, she will have.

While thinking about that, about what she have in her hands. I couldn't stop myself destroy slowly.

  


I will have a horrible grade tomorow, I know. But can I do otherwise.

  


I took my phone and go to my message in which the last was Daniel

« Never call me when I don't respond once, that mean I can't »

  


I tried to call him, once.

Just because jealousy was killing me.

I was convinced that he wouldn't respond. My heart began to beat when I heard the phone was taken.

  


«  _Huh ? Who is that_  ? »

  


I heard a female voice respond. And my heart stop to beat.

  


«  _Yoboséio_  ? »

  


I didn't respond,still waiting for what she would say.

  


« _who are you_  ? »

  


I finally took my phone and responded :

  


«  _No one, sorry, I mistook phone number_ »

  


I heard the phone call end,I was so happy. They probably didn't do anything. If not they would not respond.

I was smilling and I put my hand on my heart.

  


I know that Daniel didn't care about me, and I didn't have nothing to be glad about. But I was rassured that she didn't touch him.

  


Me and Daniel had actually a strange relation ship. We used to be best friends, we were really close. At beginning I hate him when I saw him for the first time. I thought he was arrongant. But he actually was really fun and nice and we became friend since we were neighbours. Even if our parents didn't really appreciate each other.

It's all change when he has learned about my love for him.

And because we did something that we shouldn't do. I was in high school, I was 14, turning 15 and he was my senior of 3 year. 17.

We were both at schoolar trip with some classes of our high school. My classe and his happened to go there.

  


**_Flashback :_ **

  


_After the walk in the woods with classes, me and Daniel needed to came back at our tent, shared by us. We specially asked professor to put us together and hopefully they accepted._

_I was about to enter in the tent before Daniel said :_

  


_« Jihoon ? Don't you want to come with me to swim ? »_

  


_« What ? But it's night and we can get caug... »_

  


_« Ssh...don't be worried » he assured me « we can't get caugh, everybody is sleeping, come we will have fun »_

  


_He took my arm. And then he brought me to river._

_It's was spring and it wasn't that hot, but we both was in shirt and short after the walk at woods._

  


_« But in what we will swim ? » I asked him._

  


_He took my arm and tried to bring me in water._

  


_« In our clothes of course, comm 'on it's okay, we will just let them dry »_

  


_I let him to drag me in the cold water. And he began to put some water on me._

  


_« The head too »_

  


_I froze, I felt cold. And it's was night so there was no sun to make heat._

_He put again water on me, and that made him laugh when I felt. I stand up. And pulled him into water more. And like that we began to play in the water. Like kids._

_It wasn't maybe really funny but for us it was incredible._

_Back to childhood with Daniel._

_When all was innocent between us_

  


_« Here come, it's time to go back at our tent »_

  


_He pulled me out of water. And we walked together to the camp._

  


_« Do you think they will discover ? »_

  


_« No, how could they ?We will just change our clothes and if they ask why, we will say that they were dirty after the walk »_

_I smiled at him and he opened the tent_

_« First » he let me to go._

_« I will go to search some towel, wait »_

_I nooded him._

_I entered and sitted, when I noticed all my clothes was so wet when I switched the light of the lamp._

_Shit. This would be embarassing in front of Daniel._

_And he is comming back soon._

_I quickly put my hand on my chest, surronding my waist._

_« I'm here » he came back and sit beside me._

  


_« You are cold ? » He asked me._

  


_« Not really. »_

  


_When he sat beside me, I accidentely looked bellow and saw his shirt stucked on his chest._

_His chest was georgeously sculpted. I never noticed that he grew up like that. I never noticed that my best friend was that attractive. I blushed hardly._

_And turned my face away._

  


_« Jihoon, are you okay ? »_

  


_He came closer to me, and I could smell his masculine scent. I felt drop fell on me from his body._

_My heart fluttered like crazy and I pushed him away._

  


_« Yes everything is okay »_

  


_I removed my hands and his eyes lowered on my body. I quickly tried to hide me again. But he removed my hands._

  


_« Why are you shy ? »_

  


_« I'm not... »_

  


_« Are you ashamed of your body ? »_

  


_I didn't know what respond. But it was true that mine body was nothing like his._

  


_« Not like your, I don't have musculature like you Daniel »_

  


_He smiled to me then he said :_

  


_« Don't say it, it's perfect »_

  


_« What ? » it's sounded weird, that never wasn't so embarassing between us. We were looking at each other._

_I knew I swing the other way since a long time, that how we naturally attracted each others._

  


_When I felt his lips on mine, it wasn't something I had ever immagined. It was like by rote._

_Like machine._

_He continually bit my lips hardly, and roughly kissed me. I couldn't feel my mouth anymore._

_He was like already done it._

_But I could felt his body under my hands. It was amazing to hear his heart under mine when he laid me down._

  


_His mouth was already on my neck. Trying to find every inch of my skin._

  


_And I didn't stop him when he start undress me. I didn't reflect anymore. In the heaven of our pleasure where nobody can find us._

  


  


_That night, I felt for really what's mean making love. And it was with my best friend._

  


_He didn't really took it good._

  


  


**_Flashback :_ **

  


_After that night,I wake up and find nobody beside me. I felt cold. There was no Daniel clothes, only mine. I got a heart attack._

_I searched him everywhere in the camp._

_When I learned that he changed tent to go with someone else._

_Did he really asked for it ? Or he was forced to do it ?_

_I never knew, but I saw him lately with other guys of his class. His new tentmate, he didn't even look at me._

_Was I dirty for him now ? After used me ?_

  


_After one week I decided to go to see him after class, when we came back at high school._

_He was taking his stuff of his table, and I asked him too talk._

_He said his friends to go without him._

  


_« What do you want » he said emotionless._

  


_I couldn't believe that he is talking to me like that. Like we are nothing to each other._

_« Why you are evitating me ? I decided to be honest._

  


_« I'm not evitating you, I have just nothing to say. »_

_He wanted to leave but I caught sleeve of his uniform._

  


_« How can you that ? After what happened ? »_

  


_He turned to me, with a little smirk._

  


_« What happened ? »_

  


_He said it, like I was lying or joking._

  


_« We...made love »_

_I said, which keep him in silence for a few second_

  


_« We didn't made love, we fucked. »_

  


_« It's the same » I responded_

  


_« No, it's isn't made love mean doing it while loving the person..._

_And...I don't love you »_

  


_He said it so coldly while removing his smirk._

_« Please, don't come too near to me anymore »_

  


_My heart melted, and he left. Leaving me alone, in the room class._

 


	2. Still humiliated

  
  


Kids, me and Daniel were very close. When I entered in primary school, I was 7 at that time, I was really alone. Others kids, didn't liked me, they called me « weird » « ugly » too different from them.

I used too play with girls, I even had one friend Yerim. So the other guys mocked me for that too.

I was still okay with that but then she changed school, and I was again alone.

The bullying began to become more persistent, I didn't tell it to my parent, too afraid to make them worrie. Until one day, when I was back from school and I noticed that we had new neighbours came from Canada.

My parents didn't really made friend with them.

Not that they was ennemy but just didn't talk to each other.

I didn't like their son, when I saw him. And my parents talked kind of bad of his family. He was taller than me. Cold face, and didn't talk much.

I decided to evitate him, since I had already problem in school. When one day, when I was walking in the corridor and one of my bully decided to hit me, I saw him arrive, and he defend me while push that guy away from me.

I was shocked of his action, I thought he didn't care about me.

He asked me after why that guy would hit me, but I answered that I was used to it. That why how he knew my pathetic story, he began defend me and soon nobody bullied me anymore because he was by my side.

Even after he finished primary school and went to middle school, he continued to look after me if someone isn't nice to me.

After I entered in middle school as well, I noticed he made his own group of friends and began to become more and more far from me.

But he still talked to me, I was still his best friend.

At age of 14, my mother passed away, I knew that she had leucemia. But it was a big trauma to me, and in high school I began to eat more and more.

My body wasn't the same, I was chubbier than before. That how bullying came back to me. It's really wasn't that agressive but people talked behind my back. And tried to steal Daniel from me.

They didn't understand how he could being friend with me.

Whoever, that didn't stop to being still friend with me.

  
  


But the worst happened in April 2014, during that school trip. We had sex.

This is still horrible to pronounce, I don't want to remember how much question stay without anwer in my head.

Even though, he told that he didn't like me that way, that he thought it was gross.

But why he actually did it if it's gross ? He wasn't drank.

« Everyone can do mistake » he said.

So I was a mistake for him.

I hate me, for have done it, I lost my best friend and my pride in the same time. But I coudn't reject him when he was the first doing this.

He don't like talking about that. And I didn't bring the topic anymore.

By the time, he had girlfriends. But it looked it wasn't serious. He never talked about his sex or love life.

I'm still couldn't help but hope he didn't have sex after me but I'm very delusional.

  
  


Now, I'm 19, still sticking to him like a puppy, although I know that he probably don't need me.

We are studing in the same latin greco university.

I choose this because I always wanted became proffessor so I study those ancient languages.

Our university promise a trip in Greece if you are top 3.

It's a dream for me since I can rediscover the trace of various myth, in which Im interested since I was a children.

  
  


While I was closing my locker, I saw Daniel coming today, hand in hand with Sooyoung. They were smiling at each others.

It hurt me, I never saw him intersted in one of his ex. But this girl since to be an exeption.

He seems fond of her, I'm secretely afraid that their relation ship is serious.

  
  


He was with his group of friends around.

When they came closer I felt someone pushing me, and my book felt on my feet which was really painful.

« Awww ! » I tried to retain but I couldn't, my mouth let out a noise of pain.

That one guy looked at me, Seongwoo, he was one of those who was always around Daniel because of his popularity.

« Oh I hurted you ? » he said ironically and the other one turned to look at me. Judging me with their glares. Not one sympathetic look.

I stopped my eyes when I saw Daniel in the center, who looked at me while his hand still in his girlfriend hand.

« Look like he will cry » said Nayeon.

It's true that I was about to cry, my feet right now was so painful with that greek dictionnary which felt on it.

  
  


« Poor little thing, he is so fragile isn't he ? »

I was mute, I waited Daniel to say something but he kept silence as well. He couldn't let me like this right ? When his friends mock me in front of him.

« I don't understand, why you are still talking with him ? He don't deserve you » said Sooyoung while puting her hand on his chest.

  
  


He looked at her then smiled and kiss her, in front of me. I waited 21 seconds until he finish doing this as well as the others.

« I don't know too, Sooyoung, he just kind of stuck me »

My eyes widened, he talked about me like I was a trash. I couldn't tell anything but still didn't try stop him while he was about to leave.

They continued to whisper to each other while leaving, I just turned my head.

Just don't cry here in front of everybody In few minute you will be able to return to my room and cry

  
  


  
  


I turned to my room, and laid on my bed. Why tears aren't coming ?

Only in the most embarassing moment, but when I was actually alone, they would not. My body hated me apparentely.

My eyes was drought, I rubbed my face while taking my book and began to leaf the pages.

I began to learn the declensions of some words. When I heard someone knocking, I turned my head to the door, still laid.

It's opened, and I saw a tall boy, dark haired. He was very handsome but also have cute feature.

« Oh ! Sorry to disturb you but I'm your new roomate...I was in the right building but I changed subject. So I needed to move here. It's doesn't bother you, right ? »

  
  


I stayed mute for few second, he was cute. I noticed his accuentued korean, and I has time to wonder if he was a foreigner.

He still have his suitecase in his hand who seemed heavy.

« Of course no, welcome by the way »

I responded while smiling weekly.

He smiled back and finally laid his suitcase. He breathed them while bending on his knee which make me laugh a little.

« Thank you »

He came closer to the other unoccupied bed, and laid his stuff on in.

I was a little stunned about those roomate news. I didn't even heard it, and nobody prevented me.

In the other time, I would feel lonely, but I'm used to it, and even appreciate it.

Im not friendly but I thought that a little company wouldn't be bad.

  
  


« You aren't from here right ? You have a mandarin accent, you are chinese right ? » I asked him.

« Yes, Im from Beijing, but ethnically taiwanese, my name is Guanlin» he handshaked me.

I hesitated a little but respond him, he seemed so nice and benevolent.

« Im Jihoon, I study greek and latin here. And you ? »

  
  


« I studied spain during 2 year but now I hated it, so I came here, Im 18 now »

  
  


« Oh, so this is your first year in university ? »

« It's might be hard, since you don't know anybody »

I asked him, he scratched a little his head.

  
  


« Yeah, but there are my cousin Amber and her korean...hum girlfriend Soojung » he was like embarassed saying that, probably wasn't used to it.

  
  


I was shocked too, but I slowly remembered that I was like that too,with my sick attraction to Daniel. Exept him and I wasn't like that, I dreamed so much that one day he will at least accept me.

  
  


« No, no, It's okay » I laid my hand on his shoulder.

  
  


« Ah it doesn't shock you ? A lot of people don't understand. So I feel unconfortable saying them it.

Even my own older sister don't understand them »

  
  


Have an homophobic family... it's was the thing I was afraid of the most. My mother passed away before I said her anything, but I was still unsecure about my feelings to Daniel.

I wasn't even sure that it was attraction instead of admiration.

  
  


Almost everybody didn't like me here, so I wondered if that boy could hate me too. If soon even if he is talking too me normally he could became an enemy.

  
  


He began to took his clothes off his suitcase and creased then in the amchair, I stood up of my bed. And remove some of my clothes.

  
  


« Wait, I will let you some place for your stuff »

  
  


« thank you » he said.

  
  


And we began together, arrange our stuff for us both have place.

  
  


  
  


  
  


When the evening came, Guanlin, went to shower and I was left alone. That time, I folded some of my remaining clothes to put it in my drawer.

I heard sudendly someone opening the door, why Guanlin came back that quickly of his shower. Did he forget something ? I turned my face, but it wasn't Guanlin, it was Daniel.

I didn't really wanting to talk with him after what he did.

  
  


« Can you at least knock ? » I asked him, still sitting while putting my stuff in my bag.

  
  


« Sorry » his voice was deep and was trembling, it's like he cried. He didn't seems really normal.

  
  


« What do you want » I continued coldly.

He didn't objected when those guys was mocking me, I felt like he didn't know me and didn't care about me.

  
  


« Can we talk »

  
  


« No »

  
  


I didn't want to hear anything about him. He bretrayed me several times.

  
  


« Please, Jihoonie, I felt bad. »

  
  


I stand up and came near to the windows, I laughed ironically

  
  


« You feel bad ? Aren't I the one who need to feel bad »

  
  


I could hear his steps become closer, and when I lifted my eyes, I could see his reflection in the window.

His face was incredibely hurted, he looked tired but more devasted.

  
  


  
  


« You are drunk, right ? »

  
  


« Im not »

  
  


« You are, I can feel the smell of alcohol »

  
  


We didn't talk for a few seconds, Im still looking into his reflection because I don't dare looking at his face.

  
  


I knew he would drink, he always do it when he is upset even though he had heath problem.

  
  


« I'm very sorry, I couldn't defend you »

  
  


« why ? »

I crossed my arms, i felt offended.

  
  


« Why ? Aren't I your friend ? »

I turned now to face, he quickly lowered his eyes, which seems he was shameful.

  
  


« Yes... but they was here. And people already judge you, I don't want the same happening to me. »

  
  


My eyes widened, he wasn't even able to defend me just because he was afraid to be at the same situation as me. I didn't expect him to be that weak.

  
  


« No, we aren't friend, you are right, a friend will defend you no matter, what could happen to him »

  
  


« Are you serious ? I don't want to be like you ! I can't defend you for after other take me as target »

  
  


I was disapointed with him. And I could only leave, but he wasn't ready to let me.

  
  


« No please listen, will you forgive me ? »

  
  


It was his turn to cry. He broke in tears and put his head on my shoulder, and I didn't know what to do.

He wasn't strong as he tried to show, I was the only one who knew his inside.

  
  


I wasn't responding

  
  


« You will forgive me, right ? »

  
  


« yeah... »

  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


Again.

Again, Im so weak right ?

He just need to show tears and I again forgive him, after all he did.

But that aren't new.

Everytime he would humiliated me and then apologise, and me, im so dumb to forgive him.

But could I do otherwise.

  
  


« Just don't cry »

  
  


Daniel is quit sensitive when he is drunk. I let him to sit on the sofa

  
  


« You need to stop drink »

  
  


« Promise me »

  
  


He shaked his head, I quicky looked at the clock and it was already Twenty minute left.

Guanlin would surely soon comeback.

  
  


« Daniel, you need to go at your room »

  
  


« Noo I want to stay with you Jihoon »

  
  


He put his hand around my neck, I tried to lift him but failed.

  
  


« No, no, it's better if you came back »

  
  


« Why ? I want to stay, can we just play games and chatting, I missed y.. »

  
  


« No ! » I cut him « You can't stay »

  
  


He was ready to say something when his eyes went to the other bed, beside mine, unoccupied but now was made.

  
  


« You have a roommate now ? » he asked and I breathed.

  
  


  
  


I tried again to lift him but he pushed me.

  
  


« Why didn't you tell me ? »

  
  


« What are you talking about ? »

  
  


« Stop playing, the bed was empty usually »

  
  


« I...I was...just going to change today »

  
  


He looked at me and smiled a bit, like I was telling him the most funny thing

  
  


« You aren't good at lying, there are new shoes too »

  
  


« Okay...if that it, it none your business, can you leave now » I saw more agressively.

  
  


He get a little mad, and his face became serious, he slightly pushed me. And exited.

  
  


« Hhhh » I breathed

  
  


I sit on the floor and continued to store my clothes. So I needed just to say something bad to see him leaving ?

  
  


At the same time, the door opened and I heard someone knocking and I saw someone entering.

  
  


« Guanlin ? Is Guanlin here ? » surprisely female voice.

  
  


I turned my face and saw a boyish girl, with a tanned skin and dyed grey hair. She was tall, wearing black ripped jean and boot. If I didn't hear her voice, I would thought it was a male.

  
  


« Oh hi ! Are you Guanlin roommate or I just mistaken his room ? »

  
  


« No, no you are right, Im his roommate, and this is his room too since today »

  
  


She smiled and we shaked hand.

  
  


« Nice to meet you ! Im Amber his cousin, he just forget his english book in his old room, so his old roommate asked me to bring it back to him »

« But he isn't here apparentely » she added

  
  


« No, he is here, don't be worried, he just went to shower »

  
  


« You can, wait him there if you want »

  
  


She sat on the sofa, and then Guanlin opened the door and when he saw his cousin, he immediately went to her.

  
  


« Cousin !! What are you doing here ?? »

  
  


« Say hi at least ! » she slapped his head slightly

  
  


It made me laugh and I was smiling looking at them. I never have the chance to have a close siblings.

Im the only child and I don't even know my cousins.

  
  


« Take your book, you forgot it »

  
  


While taking his book, Guanlin looked at me and said

  
  


« Jihoon, do you know that guy who is waiting in front of our room »

  
  


« What guy ? »

  
  


« I don't know him, he kept waiting and I wondered if he was one of your aquitainces »

  
  


My head tilted, was he waiting all this time outside ?

Why ?

  
  


I rushed to the door and when I opened it, there was no one.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter ^^ again I apologized for mistakes since Im not a native speakers.


End file.
